I don't like conflict.
I actively try to avoid it, and this bring me problems. By avoiding conflict at the outset of a problem, when I bring up by concerns when the problem has grow much bigger.
The other person feels blind-sighted.
This approach is selfish. I came to this epiphany after reading "The Five Dysfunctions of a Team".
Here are 3 things I learned:
1. Conflict is healthy, and it shows trust amount a group.
When there is no conflict, theoretically it could mean that everyone in the group gets along. However, it probably means that no one in the group trusts each other enough to tell the truth to one another. So be very suspicious if you don't see conflict.
2. Being a leader means "feeling" out the room.
The leader in the book, "Kathryn" is constantly feeling out the room. Every smile is evaluated as sarcastic or friendly. Every word weighs heavy on her and how the rest of the group will perceive it. These things are not minor but major in building the culture of a team. Be highly perceptive of group dynamics because they are symptoms of larger things.
3. The foundation of any organization is trust.
Without trust there are no healthy debates. Without no debates there is no new ideas or consensus. Without a consensus, there is passive aggressive behavior. So trust the the corner stone of a culture. So it pays to be honest and to create a standard of honesty!